Thoughts on my own internalized oppression

I have let these two questions linger in my mind and soul for the past week since Profe announced them in class. Reflecting on my younger years, specifically around high school, I feel the judgmental environment I was in caused me to internalize my own oppression. Going to a Catholic high school, I was forced to believe there were many things about myself that were wrong and would send me to “eternal damnation.” Having school officials and religious leaders tell me that I am wrong in loving who I love and being a lesbian is not God’s plan for me, had a traumatic effect on me. For several years I believed them and would only be “gay in my room,” as I called it back then. Never in public did I feel comfortable enough to be myself. This took a toll on my relationship with myself as well as with others. It took a few years of searching within myself to end my internal oppression and realize all of those people were wrong. I am meant to be exactly who I am and I am not wrong in loving who I love. Simultaneously, I was also oppressing others throughout this time in my life. When I would hear of fellow classmates being queer, I would immediately put the shame I had on myself on them. As I began to accept my identities and began to fully love myself, I was able to accept and love others who also shared my identities. Despite my unconditional love for myself, due to hatred spewed out by society and communities around me, there are still fleeting moments where I feel as I did as a young girl. However, I make sure to remind myself of all the lessons I’ve learned that make me the proud Chicana lesbian I am today.

-Katherine Batanero