Reflecting on "The Cynic" side of "The Mixquiahuala Letters"

Hi all, I hope the weekend was restful and good to you. 

I'm writing this because I felt compelled to share my thoughts on my reading thus far. If you didn't guess it by the title, I'm quite digging Ana Castillo's The Mixquiahuala Letters. I was assigned the "Cynic" portion of the letters, and so far I'm making several connections to what we've discussed in class. I thought I'd give you the inside scoop on the Cynic reading since I know we're all reading the letters in a different order. The relationship between the two women, Teresa and Alicia, in this epistolary novel made me think of one of the quotes Profesora Gaspar de Alba handed out to us the first day of class. It was the following:

"Lesbian describes a relationship in which two women's strongest emotions and affections are directed toward each other. Sexual contact may be part of the relationship to a greater or lesser degree, or it may be entirely absent. By preference the two women spend most of their time together and share most aspect of their lives with each other."- Lilian Faderman, Surpassing the Love of Men, 17-18.

I'm aware that on that day we deconstructed this quote, it appeared to be inadequate for most of the class, since we pointed out that it left no room for the erotic and that as my notes reveal it provided a "middle-class, not women of color perspective". However, I'd like to come back to it for just that reason. The very walls we hit on that quote on the first day, I find are the walls that Teresa described but did not explicitly name in her letters to Alicia. The walls of patriarchy, of male privilege, of their  being constantly disappointed by men in life, of not 'fitting in' as independent self-sufficient women. The deep closeness and affection between them was by all means a relationship that the quote describes but reading from Teresa's perspective, their relationship could not be named "lesbian', they could not afford the luxury to explore their desire for each other. As this novel so eloquently puts it, there is a tension, not only between the two women but between them and the entrenched patriarchy and male privilege that has harmed them so. In my "cynic" reading, I read the love that Teresa expressed for Alicia, this love, the energy so "directed to each other" was so strong that at times it broke away from the letter format, into poetry and colorful memories of how much they both survived together, while traveling, while meeting up after a break-up with their respective male lovers. One of the most telling letters for me, was Letter #19, in which Teresa recalls how both of them were perceived whilst traveling alone in Mexico. Here, Teresa states,

"How revolting we were, susceptible to ridicule, abuse, disrespect. We would have hoped for respect as human beings, but the only respect granted a woman is that which a gentleman bestows upon a lady. Clearly we were no ladies."(65)

Here, Teresa describes the illegitimacy of two women's affection toward one another, two women who have committed to being companions in travel, and as the letters reveal, companions in life. The sight of two women traveling without a 'gentleman' means that they are vulnerable, "revolting" to look at and disrespected, their love for each other illegitimate within Mexican society. As Teresa succintly puts it later in the letter, "The assumption here is that neither served as a legitimate companion for the other" (66). And that, conveniently brings us to the quote I began with. The assumption in Lillian Faderman's quote is that the two women are seen, accepted and respected as companions for one another. As Teresa reveals in her correspondence to Alicia, this isn't so. A cynic is one who "believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest"(Merriam-Webster dictionary),  in other words, a pessimist. The order in which I read the letters is intensely pessimistic, showcasing the hardest struggles that Teresa and Alicia have endured. Adopting my role as the "cynic reader" I wonder why Teresa didn't act on her love for Alicia more, why she didn't explore her desire for her further. I also doubt that the letters were even sent, some of them left unsigned, and all of them a one-sided correspondence. This reading left me with many questions, some of the material I'm still processing. I look forward to discussing it tomorrow with you all. 

Happy, cynical/conformist/quixotic reading!

-Angélica Becerra